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by PhelinePhan
This is kind of adapted to the tune of 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'... well, most of it. The beginning started out as 'Frosty the Snowman' but it kind of evolved into 'Rudolph' from that. Oh well... they're all the same...
Christine the Retard
Was a really frigid bitch.
But poor Erik was unaware of this,
And became severely obsessed without a hitch.
Christine the Retard
Couldn’t speak up for herself
So Erik had to do it instead
With lessons that helped her gain fame and wealth.
Then one patron-ridden Gala night
Raoul came along.
“Christine sure was ugly before
But now the sight of her makes me wanna get some more!”
Then how Raoul pursued her
Erik shouted out with rage
“Raoul with your ego so big,
I’m gonna slaughter you like a pig!”
But for six months he lurked there
In his Opera house next to the lake.
For Christine’s betrayal
Was almost more than he could take.
But at the Manager’s Masquerade
Erik came to say
“Christine with your fop so dumb,
To your music lessons you will still come!”
Then she was scared shitless
‘Cause she knew she’d screwed up bad.
She never thought the guy whose face scared her witless
Was sensitive enough to get mad.
So she ran off to Dad’s grave
But he was a decomposing corpse
She wished she could talk to him
Without having to be an otherworldly force.
Then Erik came to the grave
In her dad’s disguise.
Christine almost believed him
But Raoul had to stop her and act like he was remotely wise.
The Phantom got fed up with that
So he just stole Christine.
(Not before she’d publicly ripped off his mask
In one of his opera’s scenes.)
Christine was pretty pissed off
And she let the Phantom know:
If he hadn’t kidnapped her,
She would surely go!
Then Raoul crashed into the lair
Abandoning all subtlety,
He shouted loud enough to wake Christine’s father
“Let me in to see her please!”
The Phantom invited him in the lair
Raoul the fop rushed inside.
Then how the Phantom loved it
For Raoul was punjabed and would soon die!
Christine realized she had to think
And an idea penetrated her big curly head.
“Maybe if I take advantage of his love
He’ll let me and Raoul wed!”
So then Christine kissed him
And the Phantom let them go free.
Christine the stupid Retard,
Your insolence went down in histoooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!